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@Lisa_Laughs_: When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shit.
@PaperWash: Your honor let the records indicate my client was upsexy Judge: what's upsexy? [lawyer whispers to defendant] quick, this is your chance
@Fickle_Filly: You know it's time to quit smoking when you laugh at a tweet and you sound like Muttley.
@Brianhopecomedy: My mother-in-law talked non-stop while we watched Criminal Minds and now I have an idea for a cool new episode.