@m1ss_chief: ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
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@novicefather: [interview] "I'm not sure your experience is sufficient for this position." me: Trump is president "Touché, you're hired"
@markydoodoo: The deep ocean is so mysterious. Sharks and octopuses could be down there having dance battles and we'd never know. We'd never know.
@GrantTanaka: I just found out that his full name is actually Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "I'd like to pay by card." Waiter: "Contactless?" Me: "No, you can cuddle me."