@m1ss_chief: ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
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@savvystrider: The next person to tell me a joke about Indians & call centers is getting beaten to death with my snake charming flute.
@Book_Krazy: New neighbor: Hi. It's nice to meet you. Me: It's nice to meet you too. This is my daughter, 9 Neighbor: What's your Twitter @ Me: DAMMIT
@Smooheed: Stop screaming! I thought you'd appreciate having someone to pass you a towel when you got out of the shower