@shwebby3: •Woozy woman comes up•
"OMG I'm-I'm gonna faint!"
"Go ahead, knock yourself out"
@seamussaid: if the neighbor kid is driving you nuts practicing saxophone you can complain or teach her Careless Whisper - maybe be a problem solver
@ericsshadow: My fashion sense has been described as "They probably won't let you in like that" and "Are those your pajamas?"
@KevinFarzad: People are like snowflakes: I can't talk to them.
@david8hughes: [fakes allergic reaction at dinner]
Me: I-I'm- [clutches chest & falls to floor] I'm gonna need you to pay for me
@iwearaonesie: wife *resting after surgery*
me [holding flowers and a Transformers birthday balloon] They didn't have any that said "Get Well Soon"