@shwebby3: •Woozy woman comes up•
"OMG I'm-I'm gonna faint!"
"Go ahead, knock yourself out"
@pinupteacher: *date leans in* Tell me something I don't know about you.
*I lean in* I have a french fry in my pocket.
@iwearaonesie: [last night]
*can't remember if I fed the dog*
*ends up feeding her 5 times*
dog *hands me a beer*
@better_off_dad: Her: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Me: *puts naked Barbie away.
'It's not VooDoo if that's what you think!
Me:Did you feel--anything?
@tastefactory: Hey u should give your secret boss this Coke. *bottle says "Share a Coke w/ the Drug Maker Guy"* *undercover cop's fake mustache falls off*
@KermitSnitchs: "My daughter ain't dating no black lab"