@000___000: ♪ I'm like a bird, I'll only swim away, I don't know what a bird is ♪
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@rickolantern: Florida is about to release millions of genetically modified mosquitoes. I hope when they bite you they make you drive better.
@Donna_McCoy: Just turned a corner and bumped into a woman with drawn-on eyebrows. I'm not sure which of us was more surprised.
@TheAlexP: Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
@thefurlinator: if you're havin girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems and they're all bottles of beer on the wall