@Criggerific: "Chickfila catering?" "Yes, sir. How big is your party?" "Party?"

@KindOfASmartass: Me: My daughters are 15, 13, and 10. Her: Do you want more kids? Me: Hahahahahahahaha Her: Is that a no? Me: *Deep breathe* Hahahahahaha

@brennadine: [Coworker] Are you smiling at your stapler? No, just checking for spinach [Laughs nervously]. Oh, good. [Me, to stapler] Sorry baby I had to

@PurelyYours1: I'm not insulting you.. I'm describing you..

@IndigoCheese: I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND FIND YOU and cuddle you softly.