*Things that won't get done today.
@VodkaThursday: Next wedding Im saying its a open bar but when u get there its going to be cash.Just b/c its a 3rd wedding doesnt mean u can skip it slacker
@DaddyJew: Doctor: have you been drinking?
Me: no, your honor
@AristotlesNZ: Me: You put the "cow" in "coworker"
Her: Excuse me??
Me: It's a joke format.
Her: I'm telling HR..
Me: Ok but I doubt they'll get it either.
@ceejoyner: Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent's face there is no known comeback.
@adamjest: Plot twist: dogs act scared of vacuums to avoid housework.