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@iGreenMonk: Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe, many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.
@Tommytoughstuff: ME: This electric toothbrush knocked a few of my teeth loose. DENTIST: That's an egg beater.
@WarrenHolstein: Burger King is preparing to introduce a new turkey burger. Pigeons are beginning to disappear.