❎ Client not paid?
✅ Add opacity to the body tag and increase it every day until their site completely fades away
You Might Also Like
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem Solver
What I go to Aldi to buy: Bread and milk.
What I actually buy in Aldi:
Me: dude I don’t need this sort of negativity in my life right now
Bear attacking me: [bear noises]
instead of texting “on my way” I’m just going to start sending these
I thought the brakes on my car were squealing but it was just a Mariah Carey song on the radio.
All of these jokes are gonna be a lot less funny when I die of laundry.
“I just ate a vegetarian meal” sounds so much healthier than “I just ate two full sleeves of Oreos.”
“What should we call the big finger?”
“‘Thumb’ seems as good as any.”
“Impressive. What about this smallest one?”
“PINKY!”
“………….”
HIM: *touching a scar on her hand* What’s this one?
HER: *giggling* I burnt myself getting pizza rolls out of the oven
HIM: *touching a scar on her arm* And this one?
HER: pizza rolls
HIM: What about—
HER: I dunno what to tell you, bud. They’re all gonna be pizza rolls.
It’s really not about the dry cleaning bill. I’m just upset that your dog never called my leg afterward.
BREAKING: First satellite photo of the “ultra-cool dwarf star”
I grew up in a very sheltered household. Our house had 17 roofs. We had alcoves upon alcoves. I wore a tarp wherever I went.
Why do people always talk in absolutes? I would never do that. It’s the worst.
sure we’re surviving 2019
but at what cost
Surprise sex is by far the best thing to wake up to! …Unless you’re in prison.
Day 70 without sex my doctor asked me “are you sexually active” I said why whachu tryna do.
Me: where did you get those blood soaked tea bags?
Dracula: I had to pull some strings
Therapist: so you pop pills all-day, eat random fruit you find on the ground, and see ghosts?
Pac-Man: *deep breath*
black phone good
want to make it creepy? just add in my pants to whatever
Merry Christmas…in my pants
Happy New Year…in my pants
Somewhere in an alternate universe
It’s so cute when Amazon’s like ‘are you buying this can of tuna as a gift’?
Gift wrap? Why not!
Gonna create a dating app for dentists called Cavity Search
I’d hit that
-me, to my snooze alarm
If peeing was an Olympic event, I would win gold. But then I would miss the awards ceremony because I was taking a leak.
I woke up with an almighty hangover to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn at 8am.
He’ll have to mow round me, I’m not moving.
She hated my mixed-tape back in high school. Last month she gave birth to her ninth baby. Thanks for saving my life, Depeche Mode!
I will always try to sound smarter & make up words when talking to my doctor, like “pain in the crotchal area” or “difficulty extendilating my arms.”