@TheRobCee: #1 complaint of armored car drivers? People they talk to along the way ending the conversation with "...and you can take THAT to the bank!"
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@pleatedjeans: When getting rid of old clothes you have 2 options: 1. Donate to Goodwill 2. Dress every raccoon within a 5-mile radius
@kelkulus: It's a good thing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wore masks, or people might have recognized the 4 giant turtles at their day jobs.
@Playing_Dad: Boss: Why do you look so sad? Me: I actually paid a college hundreds of thousands of dollars so I could do this
@whatmaddness: It’s fine when farmers use souls of old plants 2 strengthen crops, but when I do it w/ ppl “I’m a witch” & “dear god she’s getting stronger”