@iJesseWilliams: 1) In the interest of time, would ye noble patriots please provide a list of infractions punishable by spontaneous public execution? Thanks!
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@patrickmarkryan: You're not impressing anyone, people who put a comma before the person's name when wishing them a happy birthday on Facebook
@lucidchemistry: Go to an open house and ask the realtor if they'll stand in the basement with the door closed so you can hear if screams are audible outside
@KalvinMacleod: ME: I can’t find my sandals WIFE: did you look everywhere? ME: yes WIFE: even down ME: yes even dow—I did not put those on