@iJesseWilliams: 1) In the interest of time, would ye noble patriots please provide a list of infractions punishable by spontaneous public execution? Thanks!
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@TheTweetOfGod: "God is good all the time!" Yeah. Not you though, Russ. You sucked for 55 frigging minutes.
@krisv_723: Sometimes when I'm driving I'm overcome with an urge to run into an overpass pillar. Anyway, I'm Kris & I'll be your Uber driver.
@Brampersandon_: [Me]: *slams fork & knife down on table* Not cool, babe. [Wife]: You didn't honestly think there'd be weed in your pot pie, did you?
@TheNardvark: The movie Scarface taught us that abusing cocaine can lead to making bad decisions--for example: the script, the soundtrack, and the acting.