@OuterJohn: 1) Throw a ball of yarn into a fencing battle 2) Wait until the fight is over 3) Retrieve your fully-knitted sweater
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@Skullcat: Hate to brag, but a cute fireman gave me his number today. It's only 3 digits & he said it's only for emergencies, but I know what he meant
@JB4Realz: I've been drinking my urine for years, but NASA still refuses to let me be an astronaut. "There's more to it than that" they say. Whatever.
@mess_of_petals: [My relationship with TV] There's nothing on. *watches nothing for the next six hours.
@Swishergirl24: I'm developing an app that makes a cricket sound effect at the end of my coworkers' stories.