@Arrogant_Twat: 1 year ago today, the world ended. RIP everyone.
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@matt___nelson: JUDGE: I hereby sentence you t- PENGUIN COURT REPORTER: *angrily smashing keyboard with flippers* CAN YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN A BIT
@KentWGraham: Tonight was supposed to be date night but instead I’m heading to the grocery store because my wife just texted me an eggplant emoji.
@FeelParmesan: *On a first date. Her: I'm just tired of all the games Me: *slowly slides the deck of UNO cards back in my coat pocket