@HuffPostComedy: 10 anti-Valentine's Day cards that are perfect for your ex
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@UncleDuke1969: 2 Smurfs stand over a body... "What happened?" "Choked on a sandwich." "Nobody helped?" "No." "Didn't they see him turning bl-" "..." "Oh."
@julie2288: Pregnancy tests in movies are so weird... She hands him the test and he stands there holding this stick of pee like it isn't a stick of pee
@HiddenPinky: "If you were a spy and having drinks at a spy bar, what would you want?" "I could tell you, bud, I'd have tequila."
@Swain_Train47: My favorite thing to do in cities is walk down busy sidewalks, pass by people, and say into my phone "Target is on the move.”