@HuffPostComedy: 10 anti-Valentine's Day cards that are perfect for your ex
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@Traceylei2: You know those orange cones they put on the road for you to knock over? Totally just beat my previous high score.
@HatfieldAnne: Shouting “wahoo” instead of “woo-hoo” so everyone in this bar knows that I'm into fun AND sport fishing.
@RobDenBleyker: Life advice: If someone ever tells you "I'll be there in thirty minutes", you should ALWAYS respond with "You've got twenty" and hang up.