@thatUPSdude: 10 bucks says Kanye signed the guest book at his own wedding.
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@UncleDuke1969: Receptionist: "That lady in the waiting room is picking her nose." Plastic Surgeon: "Good! That'll save me some time. Send her right in."
@AimeeHelene1: *seductively slides hand along store shelf to distract you* *grabs last bag of Cheetos* *tucks, rolls, and runs away*
@d_duhwit: Octopus 1:" Woah. There's an arm just swimming by itself." Octopus 2:" that's an eel you idiot."