@onedumbshark: My bologna has a first name, and a second name, and a fake name, and a sexy nickname, and exactly none of them are your business so go away.

@PurrrrrfectCat: If ignorance truly is bliss, my coworkers must be in a constant state of euphoria.

@hurlarious: Megan with an h? Whatever Hmegan....

@Dutch_50: Seems I can never find good brussels sprouts at the store, so I decided to grow them myself. Turns out I don't like brussels sprouts.

@aPunch2theJunk: Ladies: If a man approaches you and he's wearing Crocs, hold perfectly still. Their vision is based off movement.