@WhaJoTalkinBout: 10: Can we go to the adoption store and pick up a new baby?
Me: Sweet girl, Mama has 4 kids. If we go right now it's probably to drop off.
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@sbellelauren: i know how hard it must have been for my parents to tell me there was no santa because i just had to tell my parents there's no jesus
@WilliamAder: Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.
@CherBear162: North and South
@MoneypennyNaked: [starts Power Point presentation titled "Why I'm Breaking Up With You"] Him: Wait, what the--? Me: Please hold all questions until the end.
@theshamingofjay: Cop: did you do it? Me: no Cop: you know it's truthful Tuesday right? Me: it's actually Wednesday Cop: damn it, who's your crush then
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