@WhaJoTalkinBout: 10: Can we go to the adoption store and pick up a new baby?
Me: Sweet girl, Mama has 4 kids. If we go right now it's probably to drop off.
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@aveuaskew: The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
@david8hughes: [first day as diving instructor] Guy [from the back]: what's the signal for a shark Me: sharks don't really give signals they just show up
@omgthatspunny: My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
@LurkAtHomeMom: OMG I'M SO OLD AND OUT OF TOUCH WITH POP MUSIC WHAT SONG DOES BREXIT SING
@Reverend_Scott: [hospital] "The results are in. I'm afraid you have Bad Priorities Disease. You have 1 month to live." But does my hair look good?
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