@Home_Halfway: "10 Things I Hate About You" is my favorite movie that sounds like a bitter Buzzfeed article
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@BadJordon: [SPEED DATING] HER: Hi, is this seat free? ME: By all means. HER: *drags chair across room ME: WTF? HER: *laughing, sits with another couple
@MichaelLarrick: If white guys are day drinking, it's inevitable that they're going to start wrestling at some point later that night.
@david8hughes: [interrogation] "Where were you on the night of the 5th?" "Dealing drugs." "Louder for the tape?" [leans in] "Healing pugs. I'm a pug vet."
@DarthPutinKGB: Men who claim to only watch the #SuperBowl for the ads are the same ones who say they only read Playboy for the articles.