@hipstermermaid: 10 WARNING SIGNS THAT YOU'RE CURRENTLY READING A LIST
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@huntigula: [March 15] Brutus: Going 2 the senate? Caesar: yeah u? Brutus: yep it'll be killer Caesar: how so? Brutus: like cool u know rad senate stuff
@TheEllenShow: Scientists found there may not be as many benefits to flossing as we thought. Guess none of them have ever been to a party with spinach dip.
@Home_Halfway: The secret to making a good egg is the way you ap-poach it. *a man in the audience has a stroke and dies from being so angry at this joke*
@roostermustache: Biden: this is takin forever and build-a-bear is gonna close soon Obama: joe let me finish my speech or you'll get no tv for a week Biden: