@OrvllShrednbchr: 10 years ago, as a joke, I told everyone I was giving up sex for Lent. Haven't gotten laid since. Well played, God.
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@thevickster_sa: ~At a snowboarding store. Him: you need a base grind and a wax, it's been a while. Me: i know Him:... Me: Wait, what, oh the board...
@SingleVicky: I was really pissed at my boyfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered he's imaginary. So I'm good.
@AimeeHelene1: I've developed a rash from my wedding ring, which can only mean my body is rejecting marriage.
@just1fool: "Do you wanna build a snowman?" "Sir, this is a Build a Bear shop." *Pulls out carrot "Oh, you brought a carrot. Sure, whatever."