@MattMcElaney: 10 years ago parents were like "be careful what you put on the web" and we were all "lol. old people." now none of us can ever be President.
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@sofarrsogud: MOM: Any plans tonight? ME: Me and the guys heading out to find us some ladees *shoots finger guns HER: So Pokemon Go with Gary? M: Yessss
@momthoughts13: Not one parenting book or website prepared me for how many times I would accidentally bump my baby's head on a door frame.
@omgthatspunny: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
@TheBoydP: Brain cancer from cell phones is no longer considered a risk because who holds their phone up to their head anymore?