@MattMcElaney: 10 years ago parents were like "be careful what you put on the web" and we were all "lol. old people." now none of us can ever be President.
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@flashember: YOGI: Close your eyes and breathe. ME: [angrily rolling up my mat] I was under the impression this was a picnic and you were a talking bear
@Vodkantots: My tampon just leaked during my bath and now it looks like I made a tub full of passion fruit tea.
@UncleDuke1969: Lawrence starts cooking Lawrence checks Twitter Lawrence smells smoke Lawrence Fishburne
@KattsDogma: "How about we go with a gerund, but, like, maybe just half a gerund." - How ING Bank got its name