@weinerdog4life: 100% legal to pay a kid to punch another kid in the face.
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@rzarosco: Is 6 celebrity impersonations too small a number for me to do on this first date? I feel like its a little low...
@CheryeDavis: Saw a guy walking down the street talking to himself, hand gestures and all...So I did the right thing, stopped and told him about Twitter.
@RidiculousSheri: I'm fat, but not accidentally give birth in the Walmart bathroom because I didn't know I was pregnant, fat.
@TheReal_AndyMac: When a woman says, "We need to talk", it's no good. Never has a woman said, "We need to talk" and followed it up with "about pillow forts".