@weinerdog4life: 100% legal to pay a kid to punch another kid in the face.
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@iRowlf: Nice hourglass figure, girl. Wanna come back to my place and stand on your head so my friends and I can keep time while we play Pictionary?
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: *falls off a ladder* Wife: OH MY GOD! ARE YOU INJURED? Me: *obviously concussed but also bleeding* I'm injured and outjured
@MUMSIEesq: [HOSPITAL] DOCTOR: "A-tisket a-tasket, you're gonna need a casket." WIFE: "What?" DR: "Your husband's knee surgery did not go well AT ALL."