@Ristolable: 100% of car accidents happen within exactly five miles of something. If you're within five miles of anything right now, move.
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@EndhooS: Doctor: Are you allergic to anything? Me: Cats Doctor: Anything else? Me: Grease Doctor: is that everything? Me: Most musicals to be honest.
@therealeatwood: ADMIRAL: We must surround and board the enemy’s ship CHIEF PETTY OFFICER: And then we can walk right past them like they’re not even there
@sixfootcandy: How to get out of jury duty: When they read the charges, no matter what they are, yell out "Oh come on. Even I've done THAT!"