@Ristolable: 100% of car accidents happen within exactly five miles of something. If you're within five miles of anything right now, move.
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@13spencer: A San Francisco man is running seven marathons in seven days on seven continents; he’s expected to be seven times as annoying about it.
@CulturedRuffian: INTERVIEWER: What are your skills? BATMAN: I right things. I: What do you write? B: I Right People's Wrongs. I: Oh so you're an editor?
@bazecraze: According to hotel AC, the difference between 72 degrees and 73 degrees is 40 degrees.
@WienerToboggan: "honey, I can't wait to do missionary later!" *Gets excited* *Wife leaves for third world country-helps many*