@Ristolable: 100% of car accidents happen within exactly five miles of something. If you're within five miles of anything right now, move.
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@BarebakAssassin: The best thing about dating someone with a barbed wire tattoo is knowing that you won't be known as their "worst regret" when you break up.
@JediGigi: Just found out a spider's been living in my shower. Just hanging out. Quietly. Watching me. So, long story short, I HAVE A NEW BOYFRIEND!