@danjan13: 100% of murder victims who responded to the survey really freaked us out.
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@Jandalize: I'm not saying I don't like you, but if you had an open wound I'd hand you a salt shaker.
@ericacanrant: You know its my phone if it looks like someone fingerpainted the touch screen in donut glaze.
@DuckhouseMedia: Me, December 2016: I'm going to buy this juicer and lose some weight in January Me, January 2017: I have eaten the juicer
@Parkerlawyer: My daughter said I was too old for over-the-knee boots so I bought two pair and told her she was too young to borrow them.