@Manda_like_wine: 1000s flocked to NJ to see the Virgin Mary in a tree trunk. But, don't judge them, friends. When was the last time you saw a virgin in NJ?
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@onion_an: Dentist switches lamp on: "Now open wide" Moth dental assistant: *repeatedly flies into bulb* Dentist: "This has to stop Denise"
@cuckoo_cachu: Husband has fake roaches that he sets up around the house to scare the shit out of me 24/7. I'm putting out positive pregnancy tests. HA.
@Lisabug74: One time I was really high and attempted to flush my foot down the toilet. There was no Twitter then, so I'm telling you now.