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@tpurvis06: Just watched a dog chase its tail for 10 min., thought "damn so easily entertained" then realized I watched a dog chase his tail for 10 min.
@BarebakAssassin: The best thing about dating someone with a barbed wire tattoo is knowing that you won't be known as their "worst regret" when you break up.
@HousewifeOfHell: The Good News: My doctor says I'm healthy as a horse. The Bad News: She used another large farm animal to describe my weight.