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@FatherWithTwins: My wife gave me her Christmas list. I said, "isn't my undying love & affection enough?" We laughed and laughed. Now I'm at the purse store
@thenatewolf: *Slides a five across the bar* Bartender: Did you... Did you break this off our sign out front? Me: (Confidently) tap water please.
@robdelaney: My niece just said "Birds live in a birdhouse & we live in a people house!" Cute, huh? Wrong; my niece is 26 & on trial for manslaughter.