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@ibid78: Do I have friends? Are we allowed to count the enemies of my enemies? Then yes, I have a bunch of friends.
@thejessbess: I always wear running shoes while driving because you won't know what the terrain will be like until after the cop pulls you over.
@AndyAsAdjective: ME: [shouting upstairs] dinner's ready! 6YR OLD: what are we having? ME: you'll like it! trust me! 6: I ain't falling for that shit again
@icrushedmyhalo: Boss: Lunch meeting, let's go. Me: Do I have to? Boss: Free food and unlimited alcohol. Me: *moonwalks to the car*