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@JBWogan: Real sentence from a press release in my inbox: "Donald Trump lives, works, eats and employs people of all races and religions."
@LoveNLunchmeat: Daughter has amputated three dolls in the span of twelve hours. Really hoping our dog is smart enough to stay away from her.
@TheCiscoKidder: I'm convinced that my wife took 9 years of education at 3 different colleges just to win all the arguments for the rest of my life.
@Boleyngirly: My daughter just announced she's SICK of stupid-ass people. I said "Oh darlin, you're gonna feel ill for a long time.. they're everywhere."