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@Breadery: My daughter: I know everything Me: What's the capital of brazil? My daughter: that's a secret
@jennyandteets: Holding a friend's phone for her. Just texted "put a ring on it" to five random male names. Stay tuned.
@VanGobot: Judge: Guilty! *bangs gavel* NINE MONTHS LATER *gavel holding freaky gavel-human hybrid baby* Judge: *tears welling up* ..he has your eyes
@amishschool: My office has started random urine testing of employees to detect traces of hope or optimism.