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@Robert_Beau: Boss: You gonna get any work done today? Me: Sorry Boss, I was up late watching the game, I'll pick it up. B: Who won? M: Jack Daniels
@amybethlee70: I read an article today about a cat who saved his owner's life. I'm still trying to teach mine not to vomit hairballs on my bed.
@pleatedjeans: Fear not, ugly caterpillar. For one day you will become a beautiful butterfly [emerges from cocoon] AH WTF I'M A MOTH THIS IS BULLSHIT
@Sassafrantz: I'm always a big fan of the prison teardrop tattoo. It says I'm sensitive but I've killed people.