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@theNuzzy: After my tweet conversation with you, I delete everything I wrote so you look like a crazy stalker.
@RandiLawson: For english press ONE. Para espanol el primo numero DOS. If you like totes can't even right now, obvs press THREE.
@protolalia: He paid me $150 for the "girlfriend experience," so I went through his phone then locked myself in the bathroom, sobbing inconsolably.
@NJPsychDoc: My stages of drunk: 1. You're UGLY 2. You're HOT 3. You're BEAUTIFUL 4. Your HONOR in my defense......