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@jonnysun: *puts tiny glases on my pet owl* *puts tiny lab coat on my pet owl* *puts tiny stethoscope on my pet owl* ha ha doctor who
@patnspankme: When I wear cargo shorts and I need to find my phone I suddenly transform into a baseball coach giving play signals.
@Ideal_Victoria: Note to self: Next time your migraine specialist asks "How's your head?" Don't reply with "No man has ever complained."
@curlymalloy: I helped a little old lady at the market today.. She was too short to grab a box of cereal from the top shelf, so I stood on her shoulders!