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@TinaraMinus10: Hmmm, why don't we try reincarnation. Here, take this razor blade and I'll leave you alone for a few moments... -me as a therapist
@murrman5: [wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] "why isn't he wearing a shirt" we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote
@cornlog: My son is screaming his head off in his room but there's no way I'm going in there if his monster reports are true.
@samalmightysam: -Honey, what made you fall in love with me? -Your mother. -But my mother lives 5000 miles away. -That's why...