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@KeetPotato: did you get the job? "i don't know yet" when will they tell you? interviewer: "keith can you please ask your mum to wait in reception"
@QwertyJones3: [car dealership] "Why is some guy out there screaming insults at all the vehicles?" *Sees sign PRE-OWNED CARS* "Oh."
@AnkCoupleTO: I was in the mood for nuts this morning so I chased a squirrel for 3 miles and the little prick led me right to his stash, yum!