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@smithsara79: Me: *being pulled from my smashed car by paramedics & put on a stretcher* My mom: WAIT! *running up to the ambulance, out of breath* this never would've happened if you drank more water
@seamusmckracken: Make sure your first place together is on the ground floor, so when she throws your stuff out the window, it won’t break.
@AdderallMomma: My mom took my child into a store and left me in line to wait for Santa by myself, so now I look like a narcissistic creeper-thanks mom.
@TeaPartyCat: An Ohio judge ruled gay marriage legal, as long as the person is dead, proving that the slippery slope now includes gay necrophila.