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@KateWhineHall: Me: This is DISGUSTING! WHO PEED ON THE WALL?! 7yo: Not me. I only pee on the floor.
@asimplesean: Star Wars (1977, PG) a group of terrorists enlist the aid of a drug smuggler and a religious fanatic to bomb the seat of governmental power.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [pulled over by cop] COP: evening folks. this is a random doug test. can I see some ID? MY FRIEND DOUG IN THE BACK SEAT: [starts sweating]
@Scdavis24: I emailed my ex-girlfriend "Are you still alive" and she emailed back "No" which made me sad but also excited that they have email in hell.