@adamhess1: So if Humpty Dumpty is an egg, what species is the thing inside him? Another egg?
"No I mean do you have any questions about the job?"
@samalmightysam: "It's not you, it's me." -Twins looking at some family photos
@kumailn: If someone's mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
@KateQFunny: Hair Dresser: You could get extensions to add length.
Me: You could stop cutting.
@aka_fatman: President, first day on the job: *pushing a button* Janet can you-
[two nuclear missiles launch towards Moscow]
That wasn't the intercom.
COMMENTS