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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What happens when you die? Me: You go to heaven. 4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?
@ClichedOut: Baby Judge: You're sentenced to 3 jars of strained peas. *baby bailiffs drop their squeaky toys* *an infant juror spits up*
@LOsepyan: Ever wonder how the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow?
@gerryhallcomedy: My french toast just surrendered to my german sausage. Breakfast is weird at my house.