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@ShesARealGenius: I like how Band-Aids come in 2 varieties: Stays on For a Second Before Falling Off or Needs WD-40 For Removal From Skin.
@Sirrruh: My friend Stephen misheard me when I invited him to this CrossFit gym. He's going to have a hell of a time running in stilettos.
@bornmiserable: [me, trying to join a conversation about Game of Thrones] oh man, there are just so many thrones, I don't have a favorite really