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@david8hughes: Good cop: we found her body in the river Cop who doesn't want people knowing he can't swim: I was sick that day otherwise I'd have found it
@VerbsRProudest: If I could time travel, I'd grab English major me in college & say, "Look, books will nourish your soul but take an appliance repair class."
@XplodingUnicorn: Brother: *calls* Can you pick me up at the airport tomorrow? Me: Sure. Can't wait to see you. Him: I land at 5 AM. Me: I have no brother.
@WheelTod: People complain about crying babies on airplanes, but in my experience a crying pilot is worse.