@krustythe_klown: [12 doctors in a meeting] alright. which one of you idiots leaked the 1 weird tip to lose weight that doctors wont tell you. IDIOTS!
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@jazmasta: [loudly so dad who's been depressed since mom left can hear] Oh no, my GPS broke! If only I had some good DRIVING DIRECTIONS *dad looks up*
@Crutnacker: BIDEN: That went well. OBAMA: Did you have to say you loved Trump's sons in Twilight? BIDEN: It's what I do.
@leadnotfolow: There are only 2 Canadian things I don't like: 1) Celine Dion 2) Canadian geese Guess which one is chasing me everytime I go outside.