@krustythe_klown: [12 doctors in a meeting] alright. which one of you idiots leaked the 1 weird tip to lose weight that doctors wont tell you. IDIOTS!
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@_Tempo11: If you leave your dog tied up outside a corner store I'm walking it. No need to ask. Be back soon.
@SaraMansford: Things I use my car for, from most to least: 1)Tweeting while parked 2)Snacking 3)Transporting bugs that can fly but are lazy 4)Driving
@realHamOnWry: Kids should think twice about threatening to run away from home. It only fills their parents with false hope.
@FillWerrell: I've never been in love... But I imagine its similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.