@krustythe_klown: [12 doctors in a meeting] alright. which one of you idiots leaked the 1 weird tip to lose weight that doctors wont tell you. IDIOTS!
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@AGreaterMonster: I can't take this show seriously until they address the size of Clifford the Big Red Dog's poops.
@AbbyHasIssues: If you bump into someone at the grocery store and say goodbye, there's a 99 percent chance you'll see them in every single aisle after that.
@PaperWash: *Signs into Facebook "If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best" is posted everywhere *Agrees *Deletes Facebook
@litfirebird: Hiring manager: what would you say are your greatest weaknesses? Me: probably men with hairy knuckles. Oh, and a moist pot roast.