@hannahkimberlee: 13 years ago I ordered an m&m blizzard at Dairy Queen and the lady who took my order screamed “ONE SMALL M&M BLIZZARD!!!” at the top of her lungs then immediately turned around and started making it herself and it’s still the funniest thing that has ever happened to me
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@facciabella: When someone says "everything happens for a reason," I stab them and laugh, just so they know I understand.
@Marcmywords2: Ok guys, if anyone asks about what happened to this gallon of ice cream, I was mugged by a family of 8.
@trentistweeting: "My date was cute but he couldnt perform in the bedroom." *cuts to me in bedroom butchering Wonderwall on guitar* i swear this never happens