@notacroc: [spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is taco ME: four please JUDGE: we're not- ME: with chips JUDGE: ordering ME: *lips on mic* extra guac

@The_MartiniGirl: I would love my job so much more if I didn't have to hide my flask.

@Bagyants: The term "Expecting a baby" implies uncertainty. Like we're almost sure it's a baby, but could also be a bushel of potatoes, who knows

@kavoinooi: I hate when my cat brings in a dead bird and I have to pretend I enjoy eating it so I don't hurt his feelings

@jwoodham: DUMBLEDORE: Say hello to our new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher, Professor Totally-Not-Working-For-Voldemort. SNAPE: Dude, seriously?