@NatBaimel: 17 year-old Malia Obama playing beer pong is the most outrageous thing the child of a president has done since George W. Bush invaded Iraq
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@AmishPornStar1: You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
@jenniferfralic: The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
@jakob_huber: Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?