@NatBaimel: 17 year-old Malia Obama playing beer pong is the most outrageous thing the child of a president has done since George W. Bush invaded Iraq
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@primawesome: The power steering went out in my car. Rather than fix it I've decided to get stronger.
@Book_Krazy: Just because your kid says, "You're my hero" does not mean you can pick them up at school wearing a cape, apparently
@iwearaonesie: *pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower* me: Are we - stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of Cheetos?