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@girl_a_whirl: 18: I'm going to ask the stylist what color screams parental issues.
@ch000ch: 9-1-1 what's ur emergency
"well i guess it's that one of my friends changed all of my contacts' phone numbers to 9-1-1."
@SequelsWeWant: Legend of Tarzan 2:
Tarzan meets other primates.
He befriends them all.
He teaches them to fight.
It's a prequel to Planet of the Apes.
@AndrewNadeau0: GIRLFRIEND: *Crying* My dog died!
ME (who was only dating her because of her dog): So I have more bad news.
@Bagyants: All police should quit, just to teach us a lesson. We'll beg them to beat and gas us, but they'll be like nope, you didn't appreciate it
@Harbinger_one: This mouthbreathing, fat creepy dude at work baked a cake and wrote, "Eat cake if you want to be my girlfriend" on it. I'm so torn right now