@callmeshitto: 18 years ago today, Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saved our country and our PLANET from an alien invasion. Never forget
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@Brianhopecomedy: Went on a trampoline with my 1 year old and learned that if you jump JUST right it unfortunately turns into a baby catapult.
@tastefactory: Worst Betrayals in History: - Judas turning on Jesus - Brutus helping to murder Caesar - Verizon guy going to work for Sprint