@callmeshitto: 18 years ago today, Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saved our country and our PLANET from an alien invasion. Never forget
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@LorieGZ: Me: I hope you pee your pants, teach you not to hold it in! My daughter: You shouldn't wish for that..you're the one that does the laundry!
@LaziestCanine: Homeless man: Change please Me: sorry dude I don't have any money on me Homeless man: No, change...That outfit is hideous
@literalporn: WHITE PEOPLE COLONIZED AND ENSLAVED THE WORLD IN SEARCH OF SPICES AND DIDN'T USE A DAMN ONE