@IamEveryDayPpl: 1978 was all about running home when the street lights came on and dressing in the closet so my Shaun Cassidy posters didn't see me naked...
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@bigTman001: Cop: You know why I pulled you over sir? Me: Because you suck at finding rapists, murders, molesters, thieves, and arsonists?
@Jerrypleasure: Elon Musk: *launches car into space* Me: why don't you do something for economically poor class Elon Musk: *launches bicycle into space*
@withanewname: [Installing ceiling fan] Me: drill…screwdriver… tape…there finished! Wife on the phone: Is this Bob's fix-it shop? Yeah, he just got done.