@RocketRankoon: My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: the one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.

@sad_tree: Lettuce is like that friend you only hang out with in a group with other friends. "Hang out? Who else is coming?Ham? Great. I'll be there."

@juneohara65: I'm smart but not "know when to stop eating" smart.

@Reel2Dialog2: I'm not seeing "cat herder" on any of these job websites.

@CornOnTheGoblin: me: i let my cat drink the bathtub water while i was in it priest: once again kind of weird but not a sin