@XplodingUnicorn: Turning on a guy is like flipping a light switch. Turning on a woman is like wiring that switch & then building a nuclear plant to power it.
@ndiquote: Plot Twist
Nigerian Prince won the Powerball jackpot and he's emailing everyone now.
@Bonkaz: Flies & moths are so dumb. You can fly anywhere in the world for free with no passport and you decide to fly into my room. You will die.
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Why should we hire you for our research team?"
Me: "I went to the second page on a Google search once."
@TheTweetOfGod: Sometimes Jesus appears on toast, sometimes pancakes, sometimes waffles. Always on breakfast food. Why? It's the most important meal.
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