@jake_lach: 2 hours into dieting] omg I'm so lightheaded
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@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: You need a new liver and we found a match. Me: When can you operate? *lighting a candle* Doctor: When we find you a new liver.
@elizabeth_fels: [Club] Me: *has debilitating crush on a nerd* Nerd: What you feel is a burst of norepinephrine increasing arousal and focus- Me: *swoons*
@suntzufuntzu: "What if Waldo finds me first?" I ask naively. Grandma closes the book; the blood drains from her face. "Don't let that happen," she warns.
@kumailn: You think Japanese teenagers are shocked the first time they see a real live naked woman & it's not all pixelated looking down there?