@Jeff_Sargeant: 2 out of 3 isn't bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids. Then it's bad
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@NuclearBavarian: A car with a car rack looked like a police car, so I slowed down, only to realize I had been tricked into obeying the law FOR NO REASON.
@splegge: Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don't like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
@myles_morrison: Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 2.) prisoner of war beard 3.) homeless person beard 4.) wizard beard
@SuSuSuDonym: If Paula Deen's new cookbook isn't titled 'Fifty Shades of Gravy', I'm going to lose a considerable amount of money on the bet I just made.