@76coop: 20 yrs from now they'll make a movie on how Leonardo DeCaprio never won an Oscar. Plot twist the actor playing him wins an Oscar.
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@Aspersioncast: My daily horoscope says I just lost all of my decent followers by posting my daily horoscope on Twitter.
@justinshanes: Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.
@david8hughes: Therapist: today we're going to do an exercise Me [shifts nervously in seat]: oh, I-uh Therapist: calm down, fatty. Not actual exercise