@76coop: 20 yrs from now they'll make a movie on how Leonardo DeCaprio never won an Oscar. Plot twist the actor playing him wins an Oscar.
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@Rollinintheseat: Donald Trump always looks like he's trying to apply lip gloss in a rear view mirror.
@Reverend_Scott: [interview] "What's your strongest trait?" My fingers. "No, like... Are you pinching me??" GIVE ME [fighting to maintain pinch] THE JOB
@AdderallMomma: Kanye West agreed to play Santa Claus under the condition that children had to ask him what he wanted for Christmas.
@SimplyNamedTron: One a scale of keystone light to jaeger how drunk are you sir? PANCAKE ok I need you to step out of the car