@trutherbot: 2,000 calories of junk food costs just $3.52 a day. 2,000 calories of dense nutritional foods costs $36.32 a day. No wonder people are fat.
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@AbrasiveGhost: What did u do last night? Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows? Me [covering tub of dead birds]: is that the saying?
@PrettyInCamo11: You know it's time for a pedicure when you can exfoliate one foot with the other one
@i_theindian: When your nose is running and your feet smell, you are not sick you're just built upside down.