@iTweetNShit: $2000 date? We better be sitting at the table with Jay-Z and Obama at the same time while eating dinosaurs & sippin' on virgin Indian tears.
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@david8hughes: I'm impressed by girls who paint their eyebrows on. How do you pick one facial expression for the whole day? Like what if you find a penny?
@trentistweeting: "My date was cute but he couldnt perform in the bedroom." *cuts to me in bedroom butchering Wonderwall on guitar* i swear this never happens
@CassandrasJack: I call bullshit on dogs being mans best friend. That little m'effer didn't lift a paw when I moved. Not him or all his little friends
@Mr_Kapowski: My favorite sushi bar is the one where you can yell "ARF, ARF" like a seal and the chef throws raw fish in your mouth