@iTweetNShit: $2000 date? We better be sitting at the table with Jay-Z and Obama at the same time while eating dinosaurs & sippin' on virgin Indian tears.
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@QwertyJones3: [arguing with my wife] WELL AT LEAST I DON'T BRING UP THINGS FROM THE PAST LIKE YOU DID LAST MONTH
@taps0420: I love how all my apps shake when I go to delete one.. There all like awww shit, who's it gonna be this time
@OldUncleDaveO: If you are having anxiety over something you've said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
@ParentNormal: 3yo: I want to help! Me: You can help by being quiet. 3yo: Me: 3yo: I want to help in a different way!!!